I wish my penis had an off switch
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
