don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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