Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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