So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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