I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
