Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
