It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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