I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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