i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
