Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
