we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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