did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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