The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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