He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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