Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
