He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
