are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
