What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
