Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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