pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
