When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
