Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
