That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
