i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Operation Purity has been aborted
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize