What a fucking waste of an outfit
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
