life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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