I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So squirting runs in the family.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
