oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
