He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
