I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
