I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize