Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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