the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
