I'm going to jail i love you
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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