your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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