I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
