dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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