and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
