i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
