Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize