Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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