Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
