I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
3pm strippers are depressing
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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