oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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