So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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