tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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