I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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