Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
