I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just had sex on a roof
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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