This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
