Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
