Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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