If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
