T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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