We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This is my gift to your gina
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
