dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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