She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I love you. Go after that dick
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I want a musical about memes.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
