Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
