why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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