I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
