that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Let's get the cat blown out
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
