Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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