I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
