The maid of honor just puked.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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