I puked a lego.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
